everything is not the same since then. the house feels different. we now look after ourselves. i being the eldest looks after almost everything. i look after my brother, my cousin living with us, my nephew, and i look after everyone who comes and goes in our house. i make sure that we have something to cook and eat, that i am able to pay the bills on or before due date. i make sure that things are in order just like how things were when mom was still alive.
its harder than i have ever imagined. sometimes i just wanna escape from all the responsibilities i suddenly have on my shoulders. sometimes i feel i just wanna become invisible for a couple of days. but sad truth, i cant. if i give up who will take care of my brother and everything and everyone else?
what makes me sane after all are my real friends and my girlfriend. my friends always checks on me. almost always asking me to go out with them. it makes me feel loved and taken care of. they make me feel better and relieved knowing that i have people around me who will always be there for me when i need them. sometimes some of my friends go to our house to spend time and i feel happy about it. we have food bonding or just tambay bonding. im glad for having them.
my girfriend also takes care of me.she always talks to me whenever i look bothered or whenever she feels that something is bothering me. we are not a perfect couple but i am still thankful because i have her. her family knows about us and always welcomes me in their home.her mom is always up to date with whats happening in our family. its ok for me to talk about my family to her,makes me feel i still have a mom. her dad too is very welcoming and warm. always have a time to have a chat with me. makes me feel fortunate to feel that not all dads are worse.
everything has changed.
true, but somehow i am still fortunate.
thanking God for still being alive and blessed.
sometimes its how you see things. you have to first help yourself before anyone else can help you.
you must think positive and give yourself positive outlook each day, no matter how hard it gets.
at the end of the day,its you who you decide for yourself.
rip mom. i love you always.
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